Roller Coaster Ride

Pre-Script: As a heads up, this post is a bit less amusing and a bit more personal. I think it's best to share though. At least writing about this experience makes me feel a bit better.

So this week has been full of emotional ups and downs. If you know me then you know that I'm a pretty stable person. Always the rock that other people come to talk out their problems to. This is true even here, or so my friends and co-teachers tell me. So this roller coaster comes as a bit of a surprise. Let me tell you the story. It's a bit long...

First, last week Eonnie, another Korean English teacher at Hancheon Elementary, asked me if I liked teaching at Hancheon or Jungang better. I easily answered Hancheon, of course. And it was the honest truth. Then we played ti off as a bit of a joke. But it got me thinking and wondering why that was true. I've thought a lot about it since. One of the things I tend to have plenty of here is free time to think. It's not always a good thing.

I had a great weekend. Saturday I went down to Seogwipo to look into cell phone contracts with Faith. Before we met I had some free time to go to a lookout point and watch the ocean. It was storm and raining that day so it was quite the sight. Faith's mom was in town visiting from South Africa. Seeing and talking to her mom made me realize how much I miss my parents too. The bus ride home was also very pensive. Sunday I treated myself to some retail therapy with my dear friend Clarissa at the underground market. Lots of laughs and adventures.

Monday was pretty typical as far as days go.

Tuesday the 5th and 6th graders had important tests so my classes were all cancelled. That meant that I had 8 hours to kill at school. I spent an hour or two doing some lesson planning in my office and then made the brilliant decision to go out and wander around the school. I talked to students, to staff, to random passerby, the vice principal. I gave out a lot of candy to kids (word gets around quickly when the Yongha Sem [English Teacher] has candy and is giving it out generously). I learned that one of my boys had seen me at the underground market. I played soccer with some of the boys. I learned whats inside heat packs with the girls. I drank a lot of coffee with other teachers. And I found some new amazing views from the 4th floor that I never get to. The kids have gotten way more comfortable with approaching me for all manner of reasons from wanting candy to settling disputes about how "hospital" is spelled. I even got to do some manual labor helping the kids carry tables to the gym for the school festival Thursday. All that was good, but here comes the drop. When I wandered back downstairs to the English hall I found my co-teacher, Byeongon, and some of the other male teachers rolling up a fire hose in the hall. I struck up a conversation to help pass the time. Eventually he told me that he probably wouldn't be teaching English with me next year! I must admit that I was shocked and a bit crushed. I know it's not because of anything I've done wrong, it's just how schools work here. He'll probably be moving upstairs to be a 5th or 6th grade homeroom teacher. But I always thought we would be together. That sounds a bit dramatic, but everything is so easy teaching with him. We have a system, but if the school hires a "pretty, young, female English teacher" then things are going to change. I like teaching with Byeongon and I don't want things to change from the way they are now. It sounds like it's inevitable though. That doesn't mean that I won't go talk to the vice principal though. She asked if there was anything the school could do to encourage me to stay, and one of my requests might be that he stay an English teacher too. But that's a selfish thing to ask for. I guess I need to find out what Byeongon wants. When I found out I didn't say much. I was too shocked. I don't think talking to him is going to be easy though, too many thoughts and too much sentimentality I guess. Neither of us is very good at those sorts of conversations.

Anyhow after that bombshell, we were invited in for snacks with the vice principal and the school nurse. We chatted about our favorite actors and actresses. The other teachers were surprised about my knowledge of Korean. They first asked Byeongon why he wasn't translating for me. We demonstrated by me explaining broadly what they had been talking about. That earned me an extra cookie, literally. Afterwards, Byeongon was going to give me a ride up to the bus terminal, but some unexpected meetings came up, which left me a walk to the bus that was full of thoughts that I couldn't quite drown out. Even a chance meeting with one of my favorite students and a chat about music couldn't quite cheer me up. Instead, it was a boy outside the convenience store near my apartment who managed to do that. He was standing outside blowing bubbles. He waved to me and asked me to blow bubbles with him. We didn't talk much, aside from me teaching him the word bubbles, but it was simple innocent fun, and it made me happy, as simple things tend to do.

I woke up Wednesday morning in a pretty good mood even though it was a day where I had to go to Jungang to teach. I got to school and heard in passing that the teachers wre going hiking after school. I got really excited, I wasn't at all prepared, but I definitely could have made due just to spend some time with people. I went to find my supervisor, who is usually a very nice lady. I told her I had heard of the hike and wondered if I could go along. She said, "Oh, just the teachers who belong here can go." Again, my good mood was instantly crushed. I've been working well and closely with the other teachers and the kids for a couple months and I still don't "belong"? I went back to my office on the verge of tears and had 10 minutes to clam myself down and get over the disappointment before having to go and smile and perform for the kids. So when the end of the day rolled around and all the other teachers left the building I was left behind. I think one of the biggest emotions was jealousy. I know I only teach at Jungang on Wednesdays, but there's another American girl who's been there no longer than I have, and she got to go. Granted she's there everyday, but maybe it would be easier to feel like I "belong" if you invited me out on these sorts of outings. It also hurts to see pictures and posts of how much fun they're having hiking, eating dinner together, having drinks together, all as a school group while I'm on the outside looking in.

This experience did make me realize though why I prefer teaching and being at Hancheon Elementary. Jungang is like work. The other teachers, even as kind as they are, feel like co-workers. The kids feel more like students. My desk in the office is more like an island than part of a community. At Hancheon everyone is like family. I have friends, kids, uncles, aunties, best friends, sisters, brothers, and everyone is always happy to say hello. Hancheon is just like home to me. After this realization I'm closer to coming to terms with the differences between the two and the changes that may be happening soon. I don't have to like it, but as I've heard many times, even Jeju is not an idyllic paradise of easy living. I actually want to explain all these things to Eonnie and Byeongon and all my other family members, but finding the right words is almost as hard as finding the courage to say it. At least I have an idea of where to start now after writing this.


Continuing with tradition, this might be my favorite Korean song of all time. It's tone suits my mood right now as well. It's a soundtrack to a drama that I have not seen, but the vocalist, 2PM's Jun.K, is absolutely amazing, one of the most skilled vocalists and composers out there. Enjoy.